Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Zara Hatke, Zara Bachke.....

Proximity of my place to work location doesn't give me ample opportunity to avail Mumbai public transport. But on a weekend, while commuting to hometown, I traverse the entire western route Dadar-Dahanu through and through. Getting the flavors of each transport mode. Every time there’s an announcement of a new road link or a new local trains add on; the city rejoices. As if it’s going to lessen the traffic jam and human jam. But then it's phenomenal to witness How Mumbai functions.

>>Blackhole Junction
The time from Saki Naka junction to Saki Naka metro station in an auto (barely walk-able distance) equals time from Saki Naka to Andheri in metro. Saki Naka junction is like a black hole of Mumbai. Much as like JVLR and Marol. Time crawls. Time is paused. Speaking of Metro, every time I get out of it, I take a deep breath. Reliance tag, you see. 

>>No tantrum Cabbies

After the auto guys of Hyderabad/Pune, I did earn respect for the cabbies and autowallahs of Mumbai. They literally use their meters and charge as per the meter unlike the hyderabadi auto guy striking a bargain deal with absolutely no proportion of the distance traveled and amount charged. 

>>Battle of Armies 
As the clock on the indicator ticks, the army of Spartans (minus the Greek look, minus the physique) at Dadar/ Bandra /Andheri station is ready to march. They are not only going to board the train but are also going to exhibit the phenomenal play of Newton’s first law of motion. Looking at which, even Newton would have been like I am good with theoretical definition. Practical display. No.

>>Rules Baby Rules
If you have boarded a Mumbai local during evening peak hours; you can also save this story to be narrated to your grandchildren. One in many stories of your greatness. That's what you believe. But seriously it’s an achievement. The person cribbing about Mumbai is the one who couldn't do this task. But just getting in isn't enough. There are rules to be followed. So when I rushed along with my travel bag, laptop bag and DSLR, I had a moment with that lady. She snapped. Just eyes talked. Bitch please. Seriously DSLR. What are you on? Some f******* backpack trip in Mumbai local. Please O’ Please. The message was taken. Rule 1: No electronic stuff. Rule 2: The iron bar at the door isn't just an iron bar. It defines the border between people getting down at Dahisar and Borivali. If you are a Borivali getting down commuter and you are not standing on the correct side of iron bar, possibly no force in this universe can make you get down. Even LOC wouldn't have seen such precise division.

>>Game of Seats
You should look at the way they claim seats and fight for it. There audacity will put the claimant of an insurance policy to shame.

Much as we all would have liked to have escalators at railway platforms; however I don't find a point of having an escalator at Dadar station where the human jam chokes the escalator. You don’t need an escalator at Dadar station; the human force begets human force and motion occurs. Having escalator at Dadar station is as pointless as Siddhu’s commentary during IPL. 

>>Cheat code
If you think a first class ticket can give you little relief during peak hours. You are wrong. Wrong expectation. It is like expecting Katrina playing a movie character having both parents as Indians. The cheat code is to board the local priorly. For instance, you want to board a Dadar-Dahanu local, you board it at Andheri. The same local reaches Dadar, re-routes from Dadar and that’s how you get a seat.

>>Vent out via Fights
If you think that Candy Crush request senders are the most annoying people on the face of earth; then probably you ought to witness the female tussles in the local. So, I grab my window seat (remember cheat code), plug in earphones, take out that long time pending book (atmosphere isn't conducive for reading though) and munch along the chips. Although my ears seeps in with the November rain song, ‘So never mind the darkness, we still can find a way’, my eyes report the lisping of another song between few females. I can articulate it as ‘Dhakka kyun mara’